Years ago when I started blogging, I originally just wrote down my thoughts. Thoughts about people, places and things that affected my life. I used blogging as a sort of therapy to get off my chest what I actually wanted to say in real life.
You see, I often don't say whats on my mind. I get a lot of anxiety over fighting with people and all I want is peace in my relationships.
Sometimes that backfires on me because sometimes you need to tell people how they've hurt you because sometimes if they do it over and over again, you don't forget and then you start to spread hate towards them. (run-on haha). Of course this is funny because I then create a hateful environment which is exactly what I didn't want.
I think I may go back to using a blog for therapy because in the past it really helped me. But perhaps I won't share it with the world. I got into some deep trouble from misunderstandings from time to time sigh.
You know I have a lot to be grateful for and to be happy about. I have wonderful friends, a guy that's crazy about me and my family is better than ever. But deep down, I think I will always want to find loving relationships with everyone I meet and it's really hard on me when I'm fighting with someone or someone doesn't like me.
I also have had a hard time not understanding why most people aren't looking to love everyone. Sounds stupid putting it like that lol but I mean if I had enough time to get to know each and every person in all of my classes and help them with one life problem, that would be the best thing ever. I don't know why I'm like that but I just wanna love everyone and help everyone and I didn't realize it till recently that that was my problem.
I use to see it as a pro but most people see it as a con or unbelievable and so there must be something wrong or fishy about me. At times it really has been a con because take guys for example. Growing up, I've always been close with my brother. We have a lot in common and I love hanging with him so of course I have always wanted to have guy friends. But guys never want to be friends and they can't just take love in the friendship form and not expect more.
A girl I know said to me last year, "Melissa your problem is that you trust too easily. You need to learn that people aren't as good as you want to believe they are". God you know this is a sad world we live in when someone has to say that to me. She totally popped my Disney fairyland princess bubble I was living in. Haha.
The truth is I already knew that. I just choose to not focus on it.
When I focus on it, I truly don't trust anyone. I get really depressed and sad and question everyones motives and I'm no fun to be around.
It's also no way to live and if you want to truly be happy I will tell you the ticket...start loving everything. Every time I choose to love everything and everyone, I'm the happiest a person can be. Even when someone stops you in your tracks, and you can smell the hate coming off of them...whenever I choose to keep smiling through it, I always feel a million times better. I've been tested a lot this week with so many hateful people around me and you know what? I have been soo happy.
Anyways let me go back to the "trust too easy comment". Ever since I decided to let that slide and REALLY trust and love the people around me, I have really attracted only loving people that I can trust.
Before when that girl made that comment to me I actually found it interesting because the reason I was in such a mess at the time was because I wasn't trusting anyone at all. I was just giving the appearance that I trust everyone because I sometimes give the appearance that I'm an open book. I wasn't trusting anyone and so therefore I wasn't truly loving anyone and I was attracting all these negative people with negative reactions.
The Law of Attraction. #Foodforthought
It's interesting how things work. Alright I'm tired now haha. This blog probably made no sense to you but I just wanted to write down how I've been feeling and I feel a MILLION times better now haha even though my thoughts were so scattered. Just love me.
xoxox
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